


Apologies

by FairestInTheGalaxy



Series: Promise [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben is in a closet, F/M, LITERALLY, Rey is sad, This almost feels like a joke but I swear it isn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 04:37:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13240584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairestInTheGalaxy/pseuds/FairestInTheGalaxy
Summary: When he needs to escape from the stress of being the Supreme Leader, the Force brings her to him, and him to his knees.Or: Something More from Ben's point of view





	Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> So honestly the only purpose of this is to try and explain why Ben is in the closet at the end of Something More, and I really just wanted to write more. It's really hard to write from his point of view, though, so I think I'll stick to Rey from now on.

            He hadn’t gotten a moment to himself since the fight on Crait only three days before. It was probably a good thing, though.

            Every time he closed his eyes he was greeted by the sight of _her_. It was her crying as he offered her the galaxy, it was her getting tortured by Snoke, it was the look in her eyes back in the hut on Ahch-To when they touched without violence for the first time. Even sleeping had failed to help him escape from her influence, his dreams only forcing him to relive memories that he wanted to bury deep within. She was a weakness, one that he should have crushed the moment he saw her in the forest back on Takodana.

            Except, no, he didn’t believe that.

            He’d offered her everything she could have wanted. The entire galaxy had been at her fingertips, and she had said no. He’d let her answer fuel his rage when really he should have seen it for what it was. She was stronger than him, maybe not in a proper fight where he wasn’t intrigued by her, but she was stronger than him in the way that she could say no.

            So, no, she wasn’t a weakness that needed to be crushed. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t help but envy her and hate himself. She’d offered him a way out before he’d even thought of offering her the galaxy, had immediately wanted to rush to the aid of Resistance scum. He could have gone with her and risked getting executed for war crimes. Except he’d have been with her again, and in turn could have been Ben Solo for a few more hours.

            Except now he had to be Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. The First Order was completely under his control (though Hux would always be the reluctant one), and he needed to be a leader for them to crush what was left of the Resistance. So he’d been in and out of meetings, had forced choked a few and had thrown a few into a wall, and the stress was beginning to catch up to him.

            It was through avoiding his generals and other subordinates that he found himself in his closet.

            It hadn’t been his closet until a few days before, when he’d killed Snoke, but his wardrobe had already found home in it and he found that it was only too easy to bury himself among the dark fabrics.

            If someone were to find him here, he was probably done for as the Supreme Leader, because this was _pathetic_ , but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

            So, for a good while it was just him and his thoughts, leaning against the wall at the back of his closet. That was, until he began to feel the familiar sensation of the force bond opening. Any background noise seemed to dim, and the air around him stilled as a muffled sob echoed through the bond. He followed the noise with his eyes, and his fists tightened ever so slightly at what he saw.

            Rey was curled up in the corner of his closet into a tighter ball than he thought was possible, and he could see even from where he was that there were tears drying on her cheeks. The only other times that he’d seen her cry were on Ahch-To and on the Supremacy. Both of those times were because she’d let herself cry in front of him, because she was just emotional like this. However, she hadn’t meant for him to see this, but the Force had deemed it necessary for some reason.

            “Rey,” He finally spoke, and repeated it as she only curled in on herself more. In that moment, he wanted to hurt whoever had hurt her, but then he realized that there was a large chance that she was still hurting from what had occurred on the Supremacy just as much as he was.

            “Why are you crying?” He decided to try the blunt route when she didn’t reply to her name a second time. He’d never had much experience when it came to crying women. He could feel her emotions through the bond, but that didn’t seem to explain much to him.

            “Go away,” It was the first time that Rey had replied to him since he’d began speaking, and it wasn’t exactly the words he wanted to hear.

            “You know I don’t control this any more than you do.”

            “I don’t care.”

            It had taken him three days to forget how stubborn the former scavenger was, but he was already being reminded. A sigh escaped from his lips and a frown danced across his features as he looked down at her before speaking. “Rey, look at me.”

            “No.”

            His frown only grew deeper, and he moved the clothes in his closet so that they were all pushed away from him and he didn’t have a shirt in his face before speaking again, “Please.”

            It was the second time that Ben had used that word with her. Once it had been in a moment of weakness, where he was scared and clinging to any sense of normalcy he had left now that Snoke was out of his head. Now, though, he did it purely out of worry for her.

            As her head turned to look at him, he kneeled down next to her. This was the second time in three days that he was on his knees for her, a girl that he’d met less than a month before. As she seemed to study his features, her eyes moving to the scar more than once, Ben found himself removing both gloves. It was almost as if he had to be Kylo Ren when the gloves were on, but the moment they came off he became Ben Solo once again.

            They only ever came off for her.

            He reached a gloveless hand towards her cheek, stopping just before he could make contact. He was ready to draw back and rethink his decision when she turned her head every so slightly so that his palm met her cheek. The world around him seemed to appear in double, and he realized that it was like what had happened in the hut, except now she was curled up under the grating in the Falcon.

            Ben took his queue to wipe the tears from her cheeks and listened as she seemed to whisper to him, “Why?”

            “Because we’ve both chosen our paths,” They’d done that the minute he’d held his hand out to her and offered her the galaxy.

            He watched as she seemed to pull herself out of the ball and moved towards him, “It doesn’t have to be this way, though!”

            “There’s no other way, Rey,” Ben said as he frowned again.It hurt him to say it, to acknowledge that they’d both dug themselves in too deep and there was almost no way out now.

            “Yes, there is. We could. We could-“

            He cut her off, unable to watch as hope fluttered through her eyes, unable to let himself feel the hope she projected over the bond, “We could, what? Run away together? Pretend that none of this ever happened? You know that can’t happen, Rey. The First Order and the Resistance will never stop looking for either of us, and there’s no running from either. This war is going to continue with or without our help, and without us it could become a lot messier.”

            There was no reply from her, and he watched as her only response was to look at him with a sad, defeated look in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” He whispered softly and ran a hand through her hair before being completely taken aback as she launched herself forward to grab onto his hair with both hands. Their foreheads were pressed together now, and he almost didn’t remember to breathe as he marveled at how close they seemed to be.

            He felt more like Ben in that moment than he had even when they were fighting together or when they were talking in the hut. Being close to her seemed to draw Ben out more and more all while pushing Kylo back into a cage.

            It was over too soon, as the air began to move again and the bond began to fade. All me managed to get out before the connection ended was another, “I’m sorry.”

            Then it was just him, kneeling on his closet floor with his hands grasping the air as a lone tear made its way down his cheek. He missed her touch already, but her forced himself to wipe the tear away and pull his gloves back on as he stood to exit the closet.

            He had a job, just as she did. He might not like his job, and rare connection between them via the Force certainly wouldn’t be enough to keep him sated, but there were things to get done.

            Ben stepped out of the closet, pulling it shut behind him, and proceeded to throw a maintenance droid against the other wall in a moment of surprise.

 

Fin.


End file.
